BY JORDI STERETT
Today
Today I’m wearing corduroy, I’m watching CNN. Birkenstocks, chocolate hair, rap, & better men. Rainstorms, Spanish — Yo no hablo inglés — Democrats, politics, & that “I Side With” test.
Tissues
When I had a cold, you were there. When I had a bloody nose, you were there. When I had to erase my whiteboard, you were there. When I had no boobs, kleenex, you were there.
Ode to my Creepers
I will never forget the day UPS brought you home.
I spent years and years babysitting for money.
And now, after all this time, I finally call you my own
Much to my mother’s dismay (she thinks you look funny).
From your silver D-rings,
To your soft, black suede,
I’ve fallen deeply in love.
You don’t know how much joy you bring.
I don’t care what I paid!
You’re a gift from above.
When I can’t reach the toilet paper rolls
My vertically-blessed family stores up high,
I can count on your 2-inch soles
To help me resupply.
You mean so much to me.
You lift me to a new height.
We make a good pair,
Wouldn’t you agree?
With your laces tied tight,
I haven’t a care.
And how could I forget
When we brave the mosh pit?
You lift, balance, and protect
Me when sweaty bodies hit.
I love you, shoe-babies.
You’re perfect for me,
With all your spunk.
Resurrected from the ‘80s,
You’re cute as can be,
You lil punks.
We battled tirelessly against conformity.
We fought the good fight.
The Opulent Oppressor: Orange County
Waged war with blasé might.
In the world of Gucci-slides,
Vans Old-Schools,
And Comme-des-Garçon sneakers,
In which everyone hides
And tries to be cool,
We did it, my precious Creepers.
You’ve alway been there for me through loss and win,
My steadfast, loyal, loving friend.
Your arch now weak, your soles worn thin,
Our love affair nears its end.
We’ve traveled the world,
Seen so many sights.
Our time together flew by.
It’s time that you’re told.
I love you. That’s right,
But now it’s time to say goodbye.